Trying to navigate changes can be so overwhelming. Whether you are looking at a career shift or are struggling as a new empty nester, you may be feeling a little lost with all the changes in your life. Maybe you feel embarrassed by your dreams or think you are too old to make them happen. You are not alone. So many of us reach midlife and realize what we are doing is not leading us to a joyful life. This is a time of transition in your life, your family, your health, and sometimes your career are shifting. In today’s blog, we discuss how to navigate these changes and use this season to build the life of your dreams!
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Focus on what you can control
Do you feel out of control and emotionally wrung out? This is perfectly normal when so many areas of your life are changing at the same time. When we experience emotional instability and times of great change, our body will commonly go into a fight or flight mode because it is concerned with keeping you safe. So how do we bring ourselves back to a state of calm?
Start with your breath
Your breath can ground you. Sometimes the simplest things will help you find your center. Focusing on your breath on any given day or time, or just actually making time to focus on breath work, can have a big impact on your decision-making. Breathing intentionally helps your brain switch off that fight or flight response. Once your nervous system has a chance to relax, you’ll be able to focus on the next action you want to take instead of feeling mentally and physically overwhelmed. It’s called coherent breathing. And it helps relax your nervous system, lower your heart rate, and can even lower your blood pressure.
Daily journaling
You can’t navigate changes successfully without having a clear idea of where you want to go next. Journaling every day is a great way to discover what you really want. Taking the time to journal can help you sort out your emotions, acknowledge them, and move past them so you can build the life that you want. We can flip the script on midlife. It is not bad, it can be an opportunity to do things differently. The truth is you don’t have to change your career today or figure out how to deal with the changes in your family. We start out by taking stock of where we are and where we want to go. This is an exercise I have clients do. If you have no idea about what to journal about, you can start by answering these two questions: where do you want to spend your time and how do you want to spend your time? The goal is for you to gain some insight into what you love and what will bring you joy at this stage in your life.
The 3 main changes in midlife
Your family is not the same, your children don’t need you as much as they did when they were younger, you are dealing with hormone changes, and maybe you’re struggling with the idea of changing careers in midlife! Let me start by saying that it’s ok to be feeling overwhelmed and out of control. But there is a reason I love being a life coach for midlife women. There’s a lot of change but there’s also a lot of experience you can draw on to move forward. A simple perspective change could help you navigate changes like these and feel more grounded.
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Family
It is very common to fully throw ourselves into motherhood. It’s possible you have focused so much on your family that you’ve lost touch with focusing on yourself. Maybe you are adjusting to empty nest syndrome or just suddenly have a lot more time available because your teenagers don’t need you like they did when they were little. You may feel a sense of loss, a need to grieve, and even like you are losing your identity. Your kids become a big part of your life and suddenly they’ve become their own person. Be kind and compassionate with yourself as you navigate changes in your family so you avoid feeling like your life is crumbling.
I do want to make sure if you are feeling severe sadness, depression, or anxiety, to consider visiting a therapist. There is nothing wrong with your feelings, but it is important to reach out for help if you are having a difficult time accepting them or have noticed you can’t seem to have the desire to move forward. You can give yourself permission to feel the feelings, don’t stuff them down. Let them come up, and then look beyond them. If you are sitting with the feelings and can’t get out of them, that’s when I recommend seeking outside help.
You have already taken the first step to navigate changes in your family life. Building awareness. The big question now is “what am I going to do with myself?” The next step is to take action, and the actions can be different for everyone. Maybe it’s therapy or life coaching, maybe it can be finding mom groups, or talking to other moms in a similar situation. The goal is to slowly transform your perspective to realize that you now have time to focus on other things that you’d love to do and enjoy doing.
So how do you even begin to do that? Start to notice what you like to do. What are things that make you happy? What are things that fill you up? Do you have hobbies? Could you do some volunteer work? You now have time to learn a new language, travel, pick up a new hobby, and make a difference in your community. If you really love being around kids and miss spending time around little ones, then look into how you can give back to children in need.
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Health
It is no secret that your body goes through massive shifts during midlife. There are so many hormone changes with menopause, your body composition is different, and your metabolism is not working like it used to. Your weight and moods fluctuate. You may feel like a stranger in your own body. When you navigate changes in your body it can be discouraging when you realize that you can’t do the same things that you did in your 20s and 30s. I believe focusing on meditation, movement, and macros will help you stay in great health and feel good about yourself.
Taking care of your body will help you feel stable and grounded as your hormone levels change. Listen to your body, listen to your intuition. You have to be an advocate for your health in body, mind, and spirit. And during this time of uncertainty, go back to what you can control. You could track what you are eating and how it makes you feel. Are there certain foods that make you feel sluggish? Then try to avoid them. This technique may help you feel in control again. You don’t have to put on your sweatpants and call it a day though you can if you want to.
Ask yourself, what does my body need? Will a specific nutrition coach help me? Could I reach out to someone to help me figure out my goals? Am I happy with how I look and feel? Are my hormones out of control? Who can help me manage symptoms? Professionals are a great resource as you navigate changes to your body.
My greatest recommendation is to be a detective. Your body is a mystery sometimes because no two women are the same. So I encourage you to do your own investigating and due diligence. Maybe you need someone to help you with macros, my friend Michelle might be the answer for you. Maybe visiting a dietitian is what you need. Similarly, there are many professionals that focus on women’s changes in menopause. Endocrinologists, primary care physicians, functional medicine doctors, it’s ok to try different things. You don’t have to suffer through it, explore your options and know what each doctor can do and what their limitations are.
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Career
Changing careers in midlife can be daunting. In many cases, women make sacrifices when it comes to their professional life. You’ve made certain decisions based on what your family needed financially and in terms of your availability. You may have taken on more work to help financially or less work in flexible jobs that you didn’t necessarily want but that worked as your family grew. Maybe you gave up a career altogether. At this point in your life, your financial responsibility and the demands on your time are different. Now, you can make choices that are different from the ones you made in your earlier years. Maybe the time has come to be an entrepreneur, to create something, or pursue a career that is truly more your passion. How do you navigate changes in your professional life?
When you want to start a new career, start by taking stock. What skills do you have? What are your talents? Find those things you like and have the natural skills to learn and do. I truly believe everyone has talents. Explore your God-given talents, and what you’re good at doing. There’s a book I really like that may help if you are feeling stuck. It’s called Strength Finders and it helps you discover and develop your greatest talents and realize what makes you uniquely powerful.
The next question you should ask yourself is, what do you want? Drill down on what you like to do and what you think you might like to do. Keep in mind there are activities you may like that are better kept as a hobby. Now bring together what you want to do and what you have skills for. Use that information to narrow down and define your niche.
Finally, ask yourself what hard skills you actually need. Maybe you can take an online course, go back to school, set up a time for yourself to study, follow others who do what you’d like to do, reach out to an expert and seek out a mentor, sit in a class, or just start doing the job for people you know to gain experience.
Talking to friends and family that you trust. Ask what they think you’d be good at doing. Ask if they’d be willing to act as a test subject. Just remember to talk to people who will support you and be excited for you, instead of naysayers.
It’s hard to navigate changes on your own
When you learn how to navigate change in midlife you’ll find a renewed sense of life and hope. There is a certain level of freedom that comes when you know what you can change and have control over, what you might need to accept and let go of, and then having the courage and strength to ask for the help you need to live a vibrant and healthy life.
The world is your oyster, just like when you were 20, but this time you have experience and wisdom on your side. You don’t have to prove anything, you feel more comfortable in your skin and that is incredibly empowering. You’ve checked all the items on the “to-do” list and now you’re choosing what to focus on simply because you want to. Allow yourself to feel that lighter sense of being, joy, and excitement. You deserve it. And if you’d like someone to walk with you as you navigate changes in all areas of your life, I’m here to support you. Book a call today.
